Our flights have been confirmed. Hurrah! I’m doing the “Going Home” Dance - it’s hott.
So, Zach booked our flights last night. Used Aussie Credit Card so exchange rate was bleh. But luckily we saved a whole heap by using Zach’s Frequent Flyer points to purchase his High Season Tickets. We done good 
Now I have to finalize my luggages, finalize the items that will be going into these luggages and then just wait around until I fly out. This won’t be my first time flying alone and at least I’m going into my home country. I have the passport with the Queen’s signature in it so Australia has NO CHOICE but to let me back in.
It’s the going back to the US that will be daunting. But at least Zach will be with me and in the event that they don’t let me back in with just my Advance Parole, I can cry/wail/pass out with him by my side. That’s comforting enough for me. I seriously have all these worse case scenarios swirling inside my “questionable” head - I admit, I do have a case of paranoia. The only thing that really assures me is I keep telling myself that it wouldn’t be the end of the world, that taking this “risk” (even though we’ve been assured by 101 Immigration Officials it’s a valid thing to do) is well worth it so I can go HOME and be with my family. I will get to meet my newborn niece, I get to spend time with my Grandmother and actually spend time with her rather than just living with her and being at work for 9 hours of the day.
Being away from her/my whole family has made me realize that time is indeed short and we must make the most of it. My Grandmother turned 88 years old this year - she’s weak and frail and she’s emotional. I know she was happy for Zach and I to be married, to be living here pursuing his dream. But I can sense that she was also sad that we left. That is why, more than ever, I feel the real need to go home and spend more time with her. Ask her questions, ask her to tell me more stories, reminisce. Just little things like that. Far more important than anything else.
But then I realize that I must come back to the US and life must go on. I know that I just need to get over this first hurdle of going home for the first time since moving to the US and in a way gain acceptance that my life (for at least the next 5 years) needs to exist in the US. Zach said that I should come back and start afresh - get a new outlook to my life here and not be so sad and bitter (those are my words, not his).
It’s kinda shameful to admit that I have resisted being truly happy during my time here. But maybe 2008 wasn’t meant to be my year. And here’s hoping 2009 will be.
